How to support your children

The days of parents writing out a large cheque for the term’s school fees then forgetting about their child’s schooling until the start of the next term are thankfully long gone.  Prep schools do not view parents as a species to be kept at arms length during term time but rather see the benefit of involving them appropriately in the learning process.  However, the key word is “appropriately”: there is a fine line between an enthusiastic parent keen to help their child and a pushy parent interfering in the running of the school. 

Buying an independent education is not like buying any other goods or services. For one thing, you are dealing with the most important thing to you – your child. This means that sometimes rationality goes out the window because you are so emotionally involved in the process. Schools want you to be involved and to help in the education of your child but you need to work out how this relationship between school and home will best work.

So how do you go about helping to support your child as they start life at a prep school? The most important thing to do is to get to know the members of staff who will play a key role in your child’s life at school. These may include the class or form teacher, the head of year, the head of house or house master/mistress, or your child’s mentor or tutor. These are the people who will be keeping an eye on the development of your child pastorally, academically and in the wider areas of school life and if you have taken the time to introduce yourself and ask how you can best provide support at home, then you will be off to a flying start.

Be guided by the school because different schools will approach things in different ways. If you have any concerns about anything then go straight to the appropriate member of staff, don’t talk about it to other parents in the playground or the car park before going to see someone.

Some schools have stopped giving homework because they feel that all it shows is how clever, or otherwise, the parents are. It is good to supervise and take an interest in your child’s homework but resist the urge to dive in and correct mistakes. If you have had to help then write a note to the teacher to let him or her know. Most schools will be able to give you a copy of their curriculum handbook or a similar overview of what your child will be taught that year. Read it through and look for opportunities to do things as a family, which might support what the children are doing in class. It may be visiting a particular museum or tourist site whilst on holiday. Try not to visit local attractions the class are going to visit anyway, but rather those that are not going to be covered by the class.

Prep schools are about much more than just academic studies. The development of the whole child is enhanced by participation in sport, music, drama and other extracurricular activities. Take every opportunity to support your child when he or she takes part in sports fixtures or music concerts or plays. Take an interest in what they have been doing in their clubs and activities. When attending sports fixtures remember that you are there to support the team, not just your child. All vocal support should be constructive and positive, and never criticise the match officials whatever you think of a decision. Prep schools usually have guidelines for how best to support the team when watching sports fixtures.

Parent’s Associations or PTAs provide a great chance to get more involved in the life of the school, either by attending the events they organise or by helping to organise events. They give you an opportunity to meet other parents outside the year group your child is in and to be more involved in the life of the school.

Much of the above is harder if you are the parent of a child who is boarding. This may be weekly boarding or full time. Boarding parents feel that they are unable to support their child in the same way but the school will have people in place to fulfil many of those functions. However, just because you live a long way from school does not mean that you cannot support your child. You will be able to keep up-to-date with both academic and pastoral issues through the house staff and you can still encourage/cajole your child by email or telephone. More schools are now videoing plays, concerts and sometimes even sports fixtures, and sending them to boarding parents so they can be more involved in what their children are doing at school. Boarding does not have to mean out of sight, out of mind.

If your children are to get the most out of their time at a prep school then they need to feel that you are interested and involved in what they are doing. If the same messages are being given consistently at school and at home then progress is likely to be more rapid and your child will be happier. Supporting your child goes beyond providing the school fees but it is a relationship which differs from school to school. It is something you should ask the head about on your first visit to ensure that your view of supporting your child is the same as the school’s.

Andy Falconer is Master of St Olave’s Prep School, York.

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