Respect

In the 13th century, an obscure Monk called Peter penned some words which could easily have sprung fresh from today’s newspapers:

The world is going through troubled times. Today's young people only think of themselves. They've got no respect for parents or old people. They've got no time for rules or regulations. To hear them talk, you'd think they knew everything. And what we think of as wise, they just see as foolish. 

It seems not much has changed in the last 1000 years when it comes to the challenges of bringing up children!  Few would deny that respect is a quality sadly lacking in modern societies.  Best defined as courteous consideration and regard for the rights, values, beliefs and property of others, respect is widely recognised as one of the key ingredients of a civilised society.  Its absence is instantly recognisable in the hostility and divisions of fragmented communities and families.

Interestingly, several recent surveys suggest that employers are not particularly interested in the skills and knowledge that exam qualifications bring.  Many employers are more concerned about candidates’ employability than their qualifications - that they are punctual, diligent, presentable and hard working and have the ability to work well with other people.  In other words, that they possess important personal characteristics and certain qualities of character – including respect.

What is more, the British Institute for Employment Studies has carried out research to better understand what the impact of education seems to be.  The results of their investigation showed that a staggering 60% of university graduates were "underemployed" in their work, with employers not making use of the skills or knowledge learnt at university. 

What are we to make of these concerns?  Of course, it may still be too early to assess their long-term impact and relevance.  However, they point out a basic need in education today – to create a careful balance between a student’s personal development and their academic success.  Few parents would disagree with this.  The greater challenge has been for schools to find ways of achieving it.

Aristotle once noted: “we are what we repeatedly do.”  Whatever we practice most is what we will become.  If we are in the habit of being angry and frustrated when things don’t go our way, reacting to circumstances with impatience and despair, generating an excess of worry in the face of adversity, then, unfortunately, our lives will be a reflection of this type of response.  We become desperate and impatient because these are the responses that we have been practicing.  As the saying goes: “practice makes perfect.”  It makes sense, then, to be careful what we choose to practice!

Repeated practice is also one of the most basic principles in most spiritual paths.  Ancient wisdom has carved this principle out as the seedbed of character development and personal growth.  Habit is like a cable – we weave a strand of it everyday and soon it cannot be broken.  One of the most important responsibilities for a school is to create a quality of atmosphere and ethos in which certain habits are cultivated and certain practices are encouraged.  Respect will only be perfected if it is practiced.  It is, unquestionably, ‘caught’ rather than ‘taught’ – a fact which seems to be lost in many recent approaches to the Personal and Social Education of children

One of the most important decisions that a parent will ever make on behalf of their children is the choice of school.  For it is at school that a child will learn to practice certain things rather than others.  These are not the things that are learnt in the classroom – they are the more subtle things that are learnt by example and absorbed in the atmosphere and ethos of a living and breathing community.  The years a child spends at school shapes their being, moulds their personality and determines what they will become.  Few parental choices will have an impact that is so defining and formative.

Preparatory schools have always been far more than institutions – they are, more significantly, rich and vibrant communities.  The heartbeat of any thriving community should be felt in the steady pulse of respect running through every vein of daily life and interaction.  This has to extend from the role model of staff to the patterns of institutional practice and habit.  Iris Murdoch, the novelist and philosopher, once wrote: “our ability to act well depends partly, if not largely, upon the quality of our habitual objects of attention.”  That which we focus on, that which we practice, we inevitably become.  The undoubted strength of the preparatory school tradition is this consistent emphasis, beyond academic excellence, on example, community and respect born of a clear focus on what it is to be a complete human being.

“We are what we repeatedly do,” said Aristotle, but he went on to say: “excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.”  In my experience, the cultivation of the habit of respect is a defining feature of a good school.  These are schools that have recognised the awesome impact a strong community can have in young person’s life.  These tacit lessons are more powerful than words, more significant than facts – in these lessons lie the seeds of excellence and the makings of destiny.

What is the role of a school?  The answer seems so obvious that we probably don’t bother giving the question serious thought!  Some people see schooling as the panacea for the problems of the world. It is synonymous with progress, civilisation, quality of life and potential.  Few would dispute that it holds the capacity to make us happier, healthier, wiser and probably richer.   But, more fundamentally, the right type of school has the potential to shape and define character – and that can do far more to determine quality of life than we imagine.  As the old adage puts it, sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.

The trends which alarmed Peter the Monk certainly haven’t been tamed by the surge of technology and the convenience of 21st century life – in fact, there is as much need now for respect at the heart of human character and conduct as there was in his  ‘troubled times!’  Our schools have a crucial role in developing this by being respectful communities in which respect is ‘caught’ as much as it is ‘taught.’  Any parent agonising over which school to send their children to should look for the tell-tale signs of this respect.  Eyes rather than ears are the key to this for it is more often seen in the quality of relationships and felt in the atmosphere and ethos of the school than in the words of a prospectus …

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